My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're like the curious george of whores
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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