i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
