Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
