so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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