hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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