I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
