You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
