Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize