And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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