I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
