yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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