he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
