return my video game
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize