If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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