'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
