All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
