Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
