oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize