Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize