shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
