it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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