my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
