Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
