He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize