No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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