I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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