I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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