So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
