I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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