there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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