I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
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