i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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