well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
