If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
