Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
