Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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