I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, beer. Big fan.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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