Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
