Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
