Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
