Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
