she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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