She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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