You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's get the cat blown out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
