who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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