I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
