I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
