she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
