Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
