I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
soo... how was my night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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