Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
