I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
