Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
