The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
