Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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