he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someone came in the potted fern
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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