i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
