Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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