I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
