It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
