i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
