am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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