i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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