NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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