I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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