It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
