im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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