You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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