The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
