He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
