At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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