my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
