very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
