thus making me awesome and them whores
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
