I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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