would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
