My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
