I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
