all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
