Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
