No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
