Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
