Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize