Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
